Wednesday, October 6, 2010


i can't imagine that this ever goes away.
but i don't think i'll ever want help.
will i feel defined by this forever?


  1. I know this will sound silly but I keep telling myself that when I reach my GW then I will miraculously be fine. I won't need to worry about food or binging or purging or any of it anymore I will just reach that weight and stay there.

    It sounds absurd and I know I'm kidding myself but it's all I have to cling on to. If I allow myself to believe that even after reaching my GW I will still be plagued by the horrors of having an ED then I won't want to do it anymore, I won't want to be here.

    So no, I'd like to think that you won't be defined by this forever but the truth is I don't know



  2. maybe. that is a question only you can answer. and it is a question you can't answer right now. because as you say, right now you don't want help. i'm glad you haven't disappeared. love, io

  3. I've missed your blog. Please post more!

  4. It seems so hopeless, doesn't it? Because you always want to lose MORE. Always. There is no goal weight, and we are never happy. And yet when we are healthier and gain weight, we are too FAT, and we need to lose again, and we are miserable.

    It seems like there is no way to get out of the sadness that we have become encircled by. No beginning, no end.